#1113
Express Gratitude Rather Than Guilt
Some people tend to express guilt when others do things for them. You will hear them saying things like, "I feel guilty for having bothered you." "I am so sorry that I made you go out of your way." "I feel bad for having taken your time." "Please forgive me for your having to do this for me."
People who have this pattern are often sensitive people who don't want to cause others any distress or unpleasantness. At times they could use a boost to their self-image. By realizing that they have infinite value and worth because they are created in the image of the Almighty, they will increase their realization that they deserve the kindness and goodness that others do for them.
When someone goes out of their way to do something for you or helps you in any way, express gratitude rather than guilt. When you say, "I am so very grateful for all the effort you put into this," or "Thank you greatly for having done so much for me," you experience the positive energy of feelings of gratitude. And the person you are telling this to will experience positive energy for being appreciated.
(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: Thank You! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)
Some people tend to express guilt when others do things for them. You will hear them saying things like, "I feel guilty for having bothered you." "I am so sorry that I made you go out of your way." "I feel bad for having taken your time." "Please forgive me for your having to do this for me."
People who have this pattern are often sensitive people who don't want to cause others any distress or unpleasantness. At times they could use a boost to their self-image. By realizing that they have infinite value and worth because they are created in the image of the Almighty, they will increase their realization that they deserve the kindness and goodness that others do for them.
When someone goes out of their way to do something for you or helps you in any way, express gratitude rather than guilt. When you say, "I am so very grateful for all the effort you put into this," or "Thank you greatly for having done so much for me," you experience the positive energy of feelings of gratitude. And the person you are telling this to will experience positive energy for being appreciated.
(From Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: Thank You! Gratitude: Formulas, Stories, and Insights: Artscroll Publishers)
#1114
See the Other Side
When you need to influence people, see the entire situation from their viewpoint. You will then be able to present the matter in a way that will allow them to be happy about your proposal.
Many quarrels between family members and friends arise because one tries to influence the other in ways that create resentment. When you see the situation from the other person's point of view, you will have a greater awareness of what to say and what not to say.
(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.4, pp.244-5; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")
When you need to influence people, see the entire situation from their viewpoint. You will then be able to present the matter in a way that will allow them to be happy about your proposal.
Many quarrels between family members and friends arise because one tries to influence the other in ways that create resentment. When you see the situation from the other person's point of view, you will have a greater awareness of what to say and what not to say.
(see Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler - Michtav MaiEliyahu, vol.4, pp.244-5; Rabbi Pliskin's "Consulting the Wise")
9 Shevat
Yahrtzeit
of Rabbi Eliezer Silver (1882-1968), who served the Jewish community of
Cincinnati for four decades. Rabbi Silver is best known for
spearheading efforts to rescue Jews from the Holocaust. As head of the
"Agudas HaRabbanim," he tirelessly raised millions of dollars. He used
the funds to produce counterfeit documents and pay off smugglers -- in
the end directly saving at least 10,000 Jewish lives. In October 1943,
Silver organized a rally of 200 rabbis in Washington; the effort
prompted President Roosevelt to form the War Refugee Board, which
rescued tens of thousands more from Hitler's ''Final Solution.'' After
the war, Rabbi Silver traveled to DP camps to help Holocaust survivors
start a new life. He also sought out hundreds of Jewish children who had
been placed by their parents in Catholic orphanages, to spare them the
horrors of the concentration camps. Often, the parents were killed
during the war and there was no one to claim them. Rabbi Silver
discovered that the priests operating the orphanages were often unable
(or refused) to identify which children came from Jewish families. So
Rabbi Silver had a solution: He strode into the lunchroom, stood on a
chair, and proclaimed in his loudest voice: "Shema Yisrael, the Lord our
God, the Lord is One!" Suddenly, the orphanage was filled with
children's cries for their mother. Rabbi Silver looked at the priest,
and said, "These children are mine."
9 Shevat
Climb up the mountain and you will see what the land is like (Numbers 13:17-18).
These words are the instructions which Moses gave the spies when he sent them to scout Canaan for the Israelites.
On a visit to a salmon hatchery, I witnessed a wonder of nature. Salmon swim upstream, against the current, to reach the spawning place where they were born. To get there, they must jump against powerful cascades. It is fascinating to observe how they struggle to overcome both the pull of gravity and the force of waterfalls. Nothing stops the salmon from getting to where they "know" they must go.
While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by the use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach our goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.
Moses knew that the land which was promised by God to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.
"Only if you are ready to climb mountains," said Moses, "will you be able to truly see what the land is like." The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it."
Today I shall ...
... realize that reaching desirable goals may require much courage and effort, and I should not let any challenge divert me from worthwhile goals.
10 Shevat
Teshuvah [repentance] is so great that it can convert sins [of the past] into merits (Yoma 86b).
Sins become merits only when the teshuvah is done out of an intense love for God.
This type of teshuvah is not the average kind of repentance, in which people regret having done wrong and commit themselves to avoid repeating the forbidden act. While that level of teshuvah is certainly commendable and indeed may suffice to eradicate a sin, it is not adequate to convert that sin into a merit. We may polish a pewter item to cleanse it of accumulated dirt, and even give it a luster, but it still will remain pewter. If we could find a way to convert pewter into gold, we would be changing its very essence.
In ancient history, some alchemists spent their entire lives trying to discover the magic formula that would enable them to convert base metals into gold. While this task remains impossible for metals, it is not impossible with human behavior. We can turn base acts into virtues. The "magic formula" is to develop so intimate a relationship with God that we not only regret having sinned, but feel the anguish of having displeased someone whom we love intensely.
Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berdichev once said to a person who was a known sinner: "How I envy you! When you will do teshuvah and convert your sins, you will have many more merits than I do."
Rather than allow the mistakes of the past to depress us, we should try to behave in such a way that we convert them into merits.
Today I shall ...
... try to strive for a relationship with God that will be so intense in devotion that my faults will be converted into virtues.
See more books by Rabbi Abraham Twerski at Artscroll.com
Yahrtzeit
of Rabbi Eliezer Silver (1882-1968), who served the Jewish community of
Cincinnati for four decades. Rabbi Silver is best known for
spearheading efforts to rescue Jews from the Holocaust. As head of the
"Agudas HaRabbanim," he tirelessly raised millions of dollars. He used
the funds to produce counterfeit documents and pay off smugglers -- in
the end directly saving at least 10,000 Jewish lives. In October 1943,
Silver organized a rally of 200 rabbis in Washington; the effort
prompted President Roosevelt to form the War Refugee Board, which
rescued tens of thousands more from Hitler's ''Final Solution.'' After
the war, Rabbi Silver traveled to DP camps to help Holocaust survivors
start a new life. He also sought out hundreds of Jewish children who had
been placed by their parents in Catholic orphanages, to spare them the
horrors of the concentration camps. Often, the parents were killed
during the war and there was no one to claim them. Rabbi Silver
discovered that the priests operating the orphanages were often unable
(or refused) to identify which children came from Jewish families. So
Rabbi Silver had a solution: He strode into the lunchroom, stood on a
chair, and proclaimed in his loudest voice: "Shema Yisrael, the Lord our
God, the Lord is One!" Suddenly, the orphanage was filled with
children's cries for their mother. Rabbi Silver looked at the priest,
and said, "These children are mine."
10 Shevat
Yahrtzeit
of Rabbi Shalom Sharabi (1720-1777), known by the acronym of his name,
Rashash. Sharabi was born in Yemen, and became the chief rabbi of Egypt,
before finally settling in Israel. He was a master kabbalist, and his
prayer book, Nehar Shalom, includes mystical meditations on various prayers and mitzvot. He is buried on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem.
Yahrtzeit
of Rabbi Shalom Sharabi (1720-1777), known by the acronym of his name,
Rashash. Sharabi was born in Yemen, and became the chief rabbi of Egypt,
before finally settling in Israel. He was a master kabbalist, and his
prayer book, Nehar Shalom, includes mystical meditations on various prayers and mitzvot. He is buried on the Mount of Olives in Jerusalem.
9 Shevat
Climb up the mountain and you will see what the land is like (Numbers 13:17-18).
These words are the instructions which Moses gave the spies when he sent them to scout Canaan for the Israelites.
On a visit to a salmon hatchery, I witnessed a wonder of nature. Salmon swim upstream, against the current, to reach the spawning place where they were born. To get there, they must jump against powerful cascades. It is fascinating to observe how they struggle to overcome both the pull of gravity and the force of waterfalls. Nothing stops the salmon from getting to where they "know" they must go.
While humans do not have an instinctual goal, we do have the capacity to discover our goals by the use of our intellect. We must often overcome many hurdles and obstacles to reach our goals, and we must not allow ourselves to be discouraged by the struggles we encounter. Those who do not have the courage to overcome the challenge are likely to rationalize their retreat by saying that the goal is not worth the sacrifice. Instead of admitting their reluctance, they devalue the goal.
Moses knew that the land which was promised by God to Israel was the spiritual goal of the Jewish people, but he knew that when confronted with the difficulties of acquiring the land, some people might retreat and rationalize their reluctance by disparaging the land.
"Only if you are ready to climb mountains," said Moses, "will you be able to truly see what the land is like." The truth can be appreciated only by those who are ready to sacrifice for it."
Today I shall ...
... realize that reaching desirable goals may require much courage and effort, and I should not let any challenge divert me from worthwhile goals.
10 Shevat
Teshuvah [repentance] is so great that it can convert sins [of the past] into merits (Yoma 86b).
Sins become merits only when the teshuvah is done out of an intense love for God.
This type of teshuvah is not the average kind of repentance, in which people regret having done wrong and commit themselves to avoid repeating the forbidden act. While that level of teshuvah is certainly commendable and indeed may suffice to eradicate a sin, it is not adequate to convert that sin into a merit. We may polish a pewter item to cleanse it of accumulated dirt, and even give it a luster, but it still will remain pewter. If we could find a way to convert pewter into gold, we would be changing its very essence.
In ancient history, some alchemists spent their entire lives trying to discover the magic formula that would enable them to convert base metals into gold. While this task remains impossible for metals, it is not impossible with human behavior. We can turn base acts into virtues. The "magic formula" is to develop so intimate a relationship with God that we not only regret having sinned, but feel the anguish of having displeased someone whom we love intensely.
Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berdichev once said to a person who was a known sinner: "How I envy you! When you will do teshuvah and convert your sins, you will have many more merits than I do."
Rather than allow the mistakes of the past to depress us, we should try to behave in such a way that we convert them into merits.
Today I shall ...
... try to strive for a relationship with God that will be so intense in devotion that my faults will be converted into virtues.
See more books by Rabbi Abraham Twerski at Artscroll.com
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